General Discussion

I feel like the decision to have any number of children should be made right away. If you are going to have 1, just have 1 and plan according so that you do not have any surprises. Families are full-time work and I agree, but having a second child long after the first is only going to make things tough for that child.

This post provides plenty of good points. I am not an only child, but I would see why some of these things would be difficult to deal with as one.

I think a lot of only children will follow what their parents do, but they still want to do what they want to do. Kids don't always follow the route the parents take, or so I don't believe they do. I personally feel that an only child will do what pleases them. If spending time with their parents is what pleases them, then that's what they'll do. Anyways I think sometimes an only child might be a mini adult. I've seen it before, but I still think they focus on being kids first.

As a child, I was alone often, but I had no problem with it. I preferred it at times. I had an active imagination and I could do so much with it. I did art, sang, learned to play an instrument and so on. Sometimes being alone is ideal, because we all need to be alone with ourselves from time to time. Alone time also builds character too, it helps a lot more than many would think.

They're both right actually. The reason why is because everyone needs alone time some time, especially an only child. Even though and only child gets more alone time, it doesn't mean it's bad. It is still good to get them to spend time with other kids their age, but sometimes alone time will help them, it gives a child time to think and imagine. Being an only child was rough, but it felt great at times. To be not deal with a screaming brother or sister was a joy for me. I knew kids who had little sisters and brothers who were always crying or screaming and alone time was hard for them. With that said, an only child still needs to get out there and meet other children. It may be hard, but it must be done. They can't have alone time forever.

I completely agree. An only child needs friends because they get lost if they don't. I had siblings, and I loved it, it helped me out so much to have someone to grow up with. An only child can't have that all the time, so they need to get friends.

I was an only child myself and I lived in a big rural area where there was no kids around. I usually had fun with my imagination and ran around the woods and all that. I hated it though. It was one thing to be an only child, and not have anyone else to play with, it was even worse living in a rural town that was far away from the best places for kids to play. Anyways, things got better when we moved to the city, I met a lot of cool kids my age and it really helped me through life.

Can I please have the Kindle book? I love this site, and am a mother of an only child, girl, soon of be 5 years old. We live in rural Kansas, and you can imagine how hard it is meeting other parents of onlies. I looked at a few pages of the books by Loretta Campbell, and they look fantastic...eager to read it to my princess. You can Email the gift code to me, and I will get started on writing a review.

Hi. Thanks for putting all this great info together. Nice to have such a great resource. I went through many of the articles, and have come back from time to time. Its nice to see that y'all have opened up the Discussions after a long pause. While some of the topics might be similar for all kids, I strongly believe that once a child has been stereotyped by others, it sticks. For a mother like me with an Only, it then becomes my unwelcome burden to dispel these idiotic stereotypes. My toddler is one of the most sharing and giving child, and the evidence is quite clear when we have these huge family gatherings. Christmas is an eye-opener. All the screaming and fighting :( My little girl has this baffled look on her face when she sees kids fighting over toys :) Thanks you for being supportive!!! And bringing back my sanity (after the medical issues I had to go through and then give up and settling for just one).

Right now our Jessica is 4 years old and she’s more than happy to play with other kids but she truly enjoys being a single child. We have 3 dogs – a dachshund, a pug and a boxer – plus 2 cats so she’s never alone or bored but who knows, perhaps things will change in a couple of years.

Despite all of our efforts, it seems my husband and I are headed towards divorce. The only thing that kept us going in the last 5 years is our dear Ellie. Now she’s 8 and you can tell our fights are pretty heavy on her but I can’t help but feel that she’d de devastated when we’ll divorce…

My in-laws are completely against homeschooling, “If it was good for us, it’s good for her too!”. Well, I beg to differ but I just don’t know how to approach this so they change their minds. I have the time and the energy, plus I know the many benefits homeschooling has so it would be a huge mistake not to give this a go and see if I can go through it.

Bullying is growing at an alarming pace and I strongly consider homeschooling your child. I’m a graphic designer and most of the project are done from home so I can dedicate a lot more time for my son’s education. Right now I’m currently struggling with putting together a lesson plan but I’ll get there...

Teenage years were tough for all of us. I remember changing from the girl that always listens to her parents to the one that said no just to disagree with them. Have patience, keep all channels opened and try to remember your teenage years. You might just remember you were actually very difficult yourself.

I have seen a lot of kids that rely on their nannies more than on their parents and lack of time is not to blame for this. These people don’t know how to interact with their child, some of them perhaps as a direct consequence of having a similar childhood.

This is bad, whether you have one child or more. Pressuring your kid to have only straight A’s, to have a lot of extracurricular activities and to create bonds with kids that are equal to him will mess up his childhood and even his adult life. You have to support your child and to make sure he learns as much as he can, without him feeling like he’s forced into it.

I remember loving alone time! I never thought of it as a punishment, in fact I was hoping for it. That was the time when I would invent games or be a little more creative than I used to be around my parents. I guess it all boils down to the strategy you use; my mother made it clear that alone time wasn’t a punishment; it was my chance to do things as I wished and to learn to appreciate small things.

Great article! I knew a guy who was an only child, and his parents never let him out to hang out with us as kids. When he grew up, he was the type to be spoiled, acted like he had everything coming to him and all of this. It's because his parents spoiled him, protected him. If he was in the wrong, his parents would reassure him that he was okay and not doing anything bad. I wasn't an only child, but I have one child myself. And I do see signs that I'm more protective towards her, but that's the problem with being a first time parent I imagine. I myself want to have a couple more kids, but I'm sure my spoiling my first born wont go on too long. I know I'm going to be more chill than most parents out there.

I’m lucky as I live in a quiet neighborhood full of first time parents and small kids so finding a play partner is not a big challenge. After a couple of weeks of experimenting I decided I want to avoid some mothers just because their behavior was toxic, bad parenting and all.

I've come to the conclusion, that what I want for my son, is not what he wants. And I am ready to let him choose what he wants to do with his life. I never wanted to hold him back or anything, and I'm glad he is interested in so many things. It really feels like he's got his life already planned out. It's quite nice!

Teachers can be a major influence on an only child, or any child for that matter. I had a lot of awesome teachers back in the day, and many of them influenced me to believe in myself, and told me I could do nearly anything if I put my mind to it. Teachers rock!

I am an only child and had hoped for a sibling at some point, but it never happened. My parents would talk about it often too, but for some reason never got to it. Though, they are considering adopting a child in a couple years, just to have a child in the home to take care of. I moved out about five years ago so they haven't had to take care of me for quite a while and I think they miss that feeling of being a parent. I'm happy they're considering adoption, and I hope to go through with it. I do believe my parents felt guilt for not having a second child, a brother or sister for me to play with, but I was okay with it.

This is something I'm often scared about. I'm an only child and I moved away to be with my wife. My father is starting to get sick and my mother can't take care of him herself so they had asked me to do it. I have children and a home of my own, so the only way to make it work would be for them to move to me. I hate uprooting them from their home, but there's nothing else I can do. I have a good job and I would be able to take care of my parents thankfully, but if I move back, I wont have the money to support them.

After I gave birth I felt like I shouldn’t leave the house without taking my daughter along. This happened for the next 2 years . My husband was the one that put an end to this and now I leave her either with my sister or his parents so we can have a quiet night for ourselves.

Just wondering if anyone decided not to have another child because they moved to a new country and did not have the support system like parents and friends, specifically those who moved to a place where they don't speak your language.

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I have been lurking for a while and thought I should drop in a few words. Looks like the trend of having fewer kids is ever increasing, and the statistics on only children being common, or even the norm, is increasing. I was filled with worries of having an only child. We have decided no more kids for medical reasons. I cherish my boy, and we are filled with wonder and joy (and sometimes a lot of frustration). Husband doesn't care about having an Only, and I am coming to terms with it. Ironically, the in laws have been more supportive than my own family. If you were at my family gatherings, you will understand what I go through, They are culturally into extended family stuff, while my husband's side is completely nuclear. Its like going from a rock concert to a classical concert :) For those mothers with nosey in laws, please remember that they are just people being themselves. Ignore, give funny replies, and move on!!!

This rings so true for me! Growing up, it was a privilege being an only child. Although I dreamt of having a sibling from time to time, more often than not, I was actually very happy to be an only child. I made up imaginary older brothers, and that was enough. My friends had crazy stories and complaints about their siblings, and I did not envy them at all!!! However, now that I have become older and will soon start a family of my own, I think about my parents. Both are in good/excellent health, but I worry about what will happen when they get older. Both are independent people, and not the types that would want, for example, a bunch of people crowding in their hospital room if at all they were sick. But how long will they be totally independent, strong, and more importantly, mentally alert. I know is is a few decades off, but this thinking gets triggered when my friends talk of their grandparents (mine are all gone). I am very close to my parents, my dad is like a buddy to me, mom my always loving and affectionate mom. I still enjoy the time with them - as much as I enjoy my time with my husband. As I get older (and mom and dad get older), I have begun to cherish every day I have with them. Thanks for the article, and I'll come back often and check. Best to all onlies out there with ageing parents :)

Jamie: I understand how you must feel. When ever you read a post from me I have to let you know that when I was growing up things were not the same. Jobs were flowing like a water fall. That’s why I sound like I do. You didnot have all these lost jobs,high unemployment we have today everyone had somewhere to go and somewhere to be. Back then it seem like just few.Now it’s every where.

One thing that comes to mind is,If we were to have another child and then(knock on wood)something happened where it was hard to pay for certain things or the economy was to get worse,Is that fair then to your child to suffer more BC you felt he/she needed a sibling to grow up with????Having one child is less expensive but you really DO have to look at the financial side of this.LIke for our famiy it has been 10 years,things have changed MILK $2.89,GAS $3.64 everything is going higher and who knows when it will stop.I am a stay at home homeschool mother,I can’t go to work(way to long,12 yrs ago)My spot is here at home and we can make that work comfortably with just one child. Can you imagine actually having another child and then when they are grown up having nothing to do with each other,IT HAPPENS,My siblings and I can’t stand eachother.I always wonder how my life would be if I were an only child. My husband and I are going to make sure that we have enough funds set aside for just incase situations,this will make sure that our son can do what he needs to and everything should be okay,We can’t predict the future so why try to create the what ifs/

Thank You very much Emilia. Your concern means a lot. Jr.

My best wishes for you and your mother.

I had to rush my mother to the hospital last Sunday by EMS because of a swollen toung,this to me is where the rubber meets the road.Your all alone not knowing what the out come is going to be.I know a lot of you have made fact about children fighting and not getting alone; but the worst thing that can happen to anyone is to be all by yourself in a time like this. The docters don’t know whats going on and your the only one it’s not easy to make it through by yourself.When you have other siblins it give you support and you don’t feel alone. I ask that you pray for my mother and I that we will come through alright.

Hey you all,the group that I opened up on YAHOO isn’t just for Homeschooling onlies.You can join in if you have one child inyour family.It is a great place to talk all the time. Blessings~

Even tho I don’t know anyone on this site it’s amazeing to know that there are several onlies that fell and do the same as I do. Talking to yourself,playing the TV anything to hear voices. when I was younger I use to watch TV showes with family settings and may like I was one of them trying to fell how it would be with someone other than myself.I wish I could talk to some of you person to person and really unload how I fell.

This is one of the most useful posts I’ve seen… thanks!

I´m a 36 year old mom of a two year old girl. My husband and I were married for 5 years before we decided to have our first. We always thought we´d have 2 children. No more, no less. We were both 1 of 2 siblings. I always knew that I wanted to have my kids close together, I wanted them to be able to play together. When my baby girl turned one, I knew the time was coming to start trying to conceive the second one. I dreaded it. I hated the idea. Months passed and I didn´t feel any differently. I was pressuring myself to pick a month when we´d start trying for the second one. And then one day it struck me. “Who says I have to??” And I sat down with my excel spreadsheet and I outlined all the reasons why I didn´t want another child. 1. Finances (I never expected my first child to cost that much!!) 2. Time with my husband (we´d become co-owners at a daycare!) 3. Another 4 years without traveling (this has always been my passion) 4. My weight. (I´ve been battling weightloss my whole life and the post pregnancy weight was the biggest nightmare I´ve ever had to overcome) 5. Time (My spouse and I both have to work and I wanted more time to dedicate to my little girl) 6. My car ( I dont´want to have to spend more money on a bigger one!) 7. My house (Staying at our smaller condo has allowed us to buy a small second home where the 3 of us can spend the weekends!!! An upgrade would have cost us the dream of owning a beach property) 8. Do-Over (The idea of spending another 3 months of NO SLEEP didn´t appeal to me…) 9. Fights- I dont´want to spend my life as a referee like all my friends And then I went over the reasons why I did want another child 1. The grandparents expect it. 2. To give my girl a playmate 3. To give my girl a companion when my spouse and I are dead I quieted my mind on those three issues very quickly. I talked to my mom and she was surprisingly receptive. She was totally supportive of me when I told her how I was feeling. My husband dealt with my mother in law. She was just happy to have a granddaughter. My brother and his wife have a little girl 2 months younger than my girl. I´ve made sure that they spend atleast one hour a day together, everyday except weekends when I make playdates with other kids. That´s going to be her life companion and I will make sure that they grow up together. Farther along in life, I will hope that they continue to be close, but that´s not something I can guarantee. I can only hope that if I stay fit and excercise regularly I will live long enough to see her married and with a child or children of her own. My spouse and I are also making sure to save enough so that she will not be burdened by us if we should fall ill. After I made the decision, I found peace, I really did. Sometimes I´ll catch myself looking at a pair of sisters and wondering whether she´ll miss that, but then I think that she´ll have us, her parents more fully. And that in us being happier, she will lead a good life. Could it have been better? maybe, maybe not. But this life she´ll have will be just PERFECT!

I am not in your shoes BUT I really do feel for you and send my LOve to you and your family. I have been wanting to have another baby off and on for years now and then I chage my mind and so does hubby.I would consider him to get a vasectomy or I would get my tubes tied but then taht SHUTS that OFF!!That is what I probably need so that I QUIT thinking of babies.Our son does ask off and on for a sibling but I really don’t think he understands fully how that will change our family of 3(like upside down.He wants someone to play with and well imaginie him at 15 he won’t want to really play full time with a 5 year old??? I just wish I could be content with having one,I really feel pressured seeing friends with lots of kids all happy but I am sure that they have there moments. I can’t even guarantee that if he had siblings that they would be friends for life.I come from an older brother and an younger sisiter pluse 3 step brothers and we all live in the same county BUT can’t get along we don’t speak and don’t do hoildays anymore.Lots of family drama and hubby and I have chosen to live happily without all that and they drink and party a lot(grandparents)They even don’t come around anymore,sometimes we bump into them out and about. So we all can’t see into the future to guarantee anything BC if we could then we would know what was right or not. I am thinking of starting an YAHOO GROUP FOR ONLIES,any input.We need somewhere to go and chat with each other. Blessings~

The one thing I don’t see on this site is that parents of special needs kids often stop at one because that is more than enough to handle. My little one turns 4 this week. For the first 3 years and 3 months I was up 10-20 times per night, every night. There were times when I was up every 15 minutes for weeks on end. I truly am not exaggerating. There were times when the sleep deprivation was so bad that I lost part of my vision, stuttered and had a tremor. And yet people still ask me regularly when we are having a second. And they are so sure that it will be ok this time, really all babies make you tired. I adore my son. But I have diagnosed PTSD from never knowing if he would sleep or stop screaming. Things are just now, after 1.5 years of occupational therapy, uncountable doctors appointments, two types of sleeping meds in combination and 3.25 years of extreme sleep deprivation becoming just a little ok. I know I repeat myself here, but who does everyone else think they are to tell anyone with an only that their child will not be ok? My child would not have been ok if I had had a second. I could not meet my sons very extreme medical needs, why would I risk the health of a second infant, my sons health and my own health to have another. And yet here I am filled with guilt and putting off my husbands vasectomy – maybe someday two will be ok… But two won’t be ok. I want to have some peaceful time with my little guy – something we have so rarely had due to his medical issues. I don’t want to feel guilty for that. But I do worry. Will he be lonely? This is a big one for me – I have four brothers and countless extended family members and I can’t imagine having grown up without them. We are so close and so much a part of each others lives. but I can’t give him that, no matter how much I wish I could. Off to bed. Sleep is precious here.