General Discussion

As an only child myself I can attest that alone time is great. Playing alone helped me develop a talent for voice impersonations that all my friends loved, as well as a passion for reading that persists to this day. I am glad I don’t have any siblings, and I am hard pressed to think of any of my “siblinged” friends who didn’t resent theirs, my wife included.

Its interesting that this article mentions the importance of “couplehoold time”. We had a lot of arguments and went to bed without resolving them. That’s when some of out friends were mentioning the importance of mom and dad being on the same page. It is so apt for parents of only children more than anyone else. We chose to have an only child, and both are totally devoted parents- not helipcopter parents I can assure you. So this piece of advice should be taken to heart all you moms and dads out there!

But sometimes it is very difficult to make out the difference between my only child being alone and feeling lonely. She is only 4 years old, and at this age they really cannot analyze their feelings, and even more importantly, can’t express themselves clearly. Its left to me or her dad to analyze what exactly she is feeling. Very frustrating, but I guess things will start changing as she gets a little bit older.

In fact, how many people ask themselves the question “Why do I need to have a child” before having a child. Think deep down inside. I know of a lot of people who had the frist child as a biological side effect of intimacy. And then they start thinking about how to provide for the child etc. That’s when many of them decided one was enough. So, there you have it- accidental only children. hhhhhhrh gets me really upset. Meanwhile women like me having been trying to have a baby for years. We know why, we have the resoures, but biology does not favor us. I am jealous. But when the one comes along (which the doc says will be soon), I think I will stick with just one child.

These are just generic comments. It doesn’t help much. Just ommon sense.

Hello every one with an only child! I guess you are here because you all feel it is kinda different to have a single child. So I would like to say this- people can be generally insensitive and sometimes outright rude and tell you how to run your family and how many kids to have. But most mean well. So lighten up, don’t say anything back to them when they make comments, and slowly they will get the message, at least most them will.

Isn’t this whole stereotypes of only child relevant to the situation- like are the parents middle class or what, family income and lots of other factors? I guess that is why they call it stereotypes I guess :) My only DOES NOT fit the stereotype, but my wife fits it very well, and she is from a laaaaarge family. When the whole family gets together, its carnival time, and I end up having a lot of fun because they let me be by myself- beer and football keep my company and I enjoy it :) I am from a what you would call a mid-size family- 3 kids. Have fun guys (and gals)- your only child will grow up very fast. Its just one you have, so no second chances to watch them grow ;)

I have often felt bad about my daughter, an only child, sitting in her room by herself and playing with all her dolls and the kitchen set. My husband keeps telling me its ok, just look at the way she is having fun, how engrossed she is in her play and so on. He is an only child, and he says he can not stand large families. We have an only child not by choice (secondary infertility). I still worry about my daughter being lonely. But over the course of time, I have realized that what my husband has been saying might be true afterall. She has grown up to become a very outgoing and friendly child. ANd very imaginative!! So all of you parents of onlies- take heart- just because they like play alone doesn’t mean they are feeling lonely.

I always felt that when searching through my experience about only child pros and cons, it always comes out that one side of my brain projects all the pros and the other all the cons. Its a mixed bag of feelings!!!! The pros are that you can spend all your time on your only child. In this globalizing world, kids have to be competetive. I don’t mean pushing your kids to become nerds. What I am saying is that we need to spend quality time with our kids. And we should do it when they are open and happy to spend time with us parents. Not when they are in their teens when they are embarassed by our very sight. There are negative aspects also to the above. BUt smart parents know where to draw the line, and this cons and easily be turned to a pro situation. Spending money on our only child is just plain economics- there is more when you have fewer kids. Some (like the neo-rich) seem to inculcate the habbit of a flashy lifestyle, and this is a dangerous thing to do. Count this as a major negative.

Same thing with me. I was so caught up with my career that I forgot all about the ‘biological clock’ ticking very silently. My mother in laws frequent reminders and sarcastic comments were, as usual, automatically filtered out by my brain like a good old coffee filter. And hen I started noticing that fewer of my friends were calling me, they all were getting busy with raising a family. We got pregnant after about 4 months. I had planned on getting back to work after my only child Sussie turned 6 months. My MIL had volunteered to take care of her during the day, and my husband went part-time (he has a great job but low paying). Guess what, after 4 months of Susan’s arrival, my whole world view changed!!! I worked part-time until she turned 1 and half, then quit the job after giving my employer a year’s notice. Great job though, great company. My MIL was quite for 2 years and then her reminders for ‘completing’ the family, a companion for my only child Susan, what would happen after ‘our time’?????? all of it started wearing down my husband. He wasn’t too keen on a second, just because he is from a really big family. He doesn’t keep in touch with his brothers (all of them live far away). They don’t get together even for Christmas. He always complained of the strained relationship with his siblings. He is very close to his mother though- he’s a first born. They seem to be more like only children. The stereotypes don’t seem to apply to him. He remembers his best times as an only child, the brothers came after he turned 8. All this talk of only child psychology and the pros and cons of having an only child is very subjective. If you put a lens and observe a child, you can see areas of her characteristics that seem to be a spoiled only child. With time, I started cherishing my time with Sussie, and she remained my only one. I am very happy and content :) The only child myths are just that- myths and only child stereotypes!

Excellant review. But too soft on the book me thinks. I read this book in the past. I felt like a terrible parent as I was reading it. Everything I had done seemed to be the devil’s work. By the time I was done reading the book I was a wreck. And then I read Sifford’s book, it was like an aspirin for the headache. My only one Ana is 8 and doing VERY well. No thanks to the 7 sins book. Thanks to Sifford, Dr Spock. And thanks also to the countless websites that support parents of onlies.

LOL. A lot of what is written in this article applies to ‘super moms’ and ‘helicopter’ parents! Mom of an only child is easily sucked into playing out these roles :( Well, I did, initially at least. It was my DH who tactfully pulled me out of this attitude of pushing my child to be #1 (or actually I was trying to make her acheive my dreams, the things I wanted to do or be). Bless you Mark :)

Wow! great site- full of articles on only child!! …well, I don’t agree with a lot of what is said on this site…seems to be very pro only child ;) One thing I found very interesting in this particular article was where you say that the only child, never having to fight for her toys and space with her siblings, is more comfortable sharing. Only after reading that passage did I find it analytically true. “Consider this: Unlike in the multi-child family, the only child does not have to fight…… sharing does not mean giving away” Why I say this is that I observe kids in the playground and I find that girls from multi-sibling families are prone to defend ‘their’ territory and play equipment- even though it is all in a public park-like area. And get this- it is girls who are NOT first-born who do this! The first-borns are more only child like- and the more the spacing between the first and second, the more relaxed is the first-born! Yes, I do talk to all the new moms in the playground :))) Do they think I am a government census taker??? Maybe they do, ha ha ha……

You are so right about raising kids being a full-time job. Maybe thankless sometimes- but sure is getting difficult as time goes on. May be the world is getting more competetive, and we need to have our child(ren) all rady and preapared. WHen it comes to the oly child, I guess it makes it a little easier for parents. Just imagine, with an only child, you get to spend all the time, all the resources on this only child. And to top it off, you get to spend more time with your spouse- which is what I get to do a lot more than my other friends. My only is 7 years old now, a bubbly boy with a ton of friends. I had to push him in that direction though- a little effort from our side went a long way!